This is a hard question to answer. But to make it simple, I believe in a way I have given up to a point. Why is this so?
Well, wearing a prosthetic leg when I can makes me feel like a freak. I don’t feel normal. People stare, people make comments and think you don’t hear but you do and it fucking hurts. No one understands how much their words can actually fucking hurt someone.
At the moment as hard as it sounds, I feel better stuck in a wheelchair and hardly going out unless I am on my mobility scooter just going to the supermarket and then back home again. And when I am out for longer it is usually at night when no one else is around and just going for a scooter up to the beach or around my the suburb.
So, I suppose you can say that yes, I have given up.
Hopefully when the amputee clinic re-opens later this month things might get my mind back on track. With them being closed it is hard to get some actual support as not sure where to turn and not going to contact the hospital because most of them are useless at the moment because I am no longer a patient and I am not going to have myself re-admitted just to get this kind of help because fuck knows how much time I would be kept in there.
Anyway its just after 4am, so that is enough for now, just wanted to get this thought out there.
