WARNING
This post may contain language that offends some people. You have been warned. It is YOUR choice if you continue reading any further.
Let’s start with a few home truths and basics before getting into some other maybe heated topics (either in this post or the next). But as you can see from the title of this post, “Yes, I’m Struggling”. And that means just what it sounds like. But more on this one in just a little bit.
My home is just that, my home. If you are invited into my home that is because I have a bit of trust in you. If I let you do things around my home without me watching you like a hawk, due to previous workers caught on security camera stealing from my home whilst I am in another room, then I have a lot of trust in you. Don’t abuse that trust or you will be out the door so fast and never return as well as being reported to your company.
I am also at a stage in my life right now where a lot of things need to change. Both health-wise and in my personal life. Today is 617 days post-op since the below knee amputation back on 6th June 2022 (remember these 617 days do not include the first two surgery amputations over the first 4 days, on 28th May and 31st May 2022). So I am currently sitting at 627 days since admission to the hospital, 617 days post-op, and 495 days since hospital discharge (after an 18-week and 6-day full-time hospital admission). It seems like a lot can happen within these time frames and yes, so much has happened in the last 627 days it would make anyone’s head spin. I have so many important dates, milestones, challenges and changes that have already happened and are still happening during this time. It’s too much for me to type out at the moment. So I won’t be going into any kind of details at this time. If you have followed me for years you already know most of the struggles milestones and challenges that have occurred to date.
The most challenging thing for me over the last 495 days has been using the prosthetic. I would go weeks to months without being able to use it because of a fall from my wheelchair which caused some stump damage. The stump is also not in a good state right now where they are telling me that I will never be able to use one again and will be wheelchair-bound for the rest of my life. Well, you know what? Fuck you, that cunt ain’t happening. I will push and push myself to get back up on that after the healing process is done again after another fall the another night, not from the wheelchair this time but from the bed.
Starting soon I will be forcing myself up to try and walk again. I don’t care what they say I will do it and I will make it happen, one way or another. I won’t go to the stage where the stump becomes majorly damaged (as they believe it is now) and will start slow, 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there, just small steps until I am at the stage where I can push a bit more. The big part for me is being able to get back into the pool. That is happening very soon either with or without the prosthetic on. With the help of a support worker, I will get back into the pool again.
I am not going to go into other things right now (another post will cover more of these in the coming days).
Especially over the last few weeks, things have been in a bit of a spiral period. There have been more bad days than there have been good days. Over the last few days, I have been feeling used and abused by a particular person over a certain issue (something I also won’t go into at this time either).
Anyway that will do for now and I will post again very soon on various topics all in the same post. This might take me several days to fully write up, I will begin working on that tomorrow. But for now, I am signing off, have a great day/night to everyone reading this post.
