This is the latest OHS (Open Heart Surgery) Update.
The next update will not be until after pre-op day next week when I need my full surgical team and get to meet the people that will be poking and proding inside my chest and playing with my heart.
Yesterday (Tuesday, April 15th), I had my final scans before my pre-op day on Tuesday, April 22nd (next week). These were a full CT of my chest and an ultrasound of the veins on both the right and left sides of my neck. The purpose of these scans was to check the veins going up to my brain (yes, I do have one). On pre-op day next week, all final tests, including bloods, will be done before my OHS on Monday, May 5th. Am I still nervous and scared? You bet your ass I am. Things are very emotional. This is way different to my below-knee amputation (BKA).
Why is this different to the BKA? Simple, with the BKA, I had little time to think about things as I was already in the hospital. This OHS I have weeks of brain activity and thoughts, and nerves. The thing I hate about the upcoming OHS is the emotions, the tears, the constant thoughts, and the lack of sleep (worse than normal) due to the constant overthinking. Don’t think about it, then you say? Well, how about you go through this yourself and then come back and try to tell me that again. It is so easy to say things and be so fucking judgemental when you have no clue what the fuck I am going through. If only it was that damn simple to switch of. Hell I have even been trying to focus on FiveM coding, website coding and even full on gaming on my new game, Diablo 4 (thanks to my little sister for buying it for me) – it is something I have been getting fully into everyday, then all of a sudden the tears start flowing and i have to stop for awhile. Yes, they start for no reason whatsoever. My mind is 100% focused on the gam,e and then the next second the tears are fully flowing.
Yes, things were a little emotional with my BKA as well, but I really had no time to think about that one, and even though there are risks with any surgery anyone undergoes, the BKA is nowhere near as serious as a major open heart surgery. This current journey is the biggest thing in my life I have ever faced. Literally during the OHS they cut my sternum right down the middle, pull my ribcage apart to get access to my heart, then they fucking STOP my heart. Yes, stop my heart and go onto a heart and lung machine to take over my breathing and heart functions to keep me alive whilst they work on the most important organ we all have. What if they can’t restart my heart? Well fuck I am dead. At least I have my nanna and other family, friends and even some lovers waiting for me on the other side if it happens.
When I get out of surgery (if I get out, which I will because I am a tough old bastard), I will be in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for roughly 2 days (all going well) before being moved back to my ward, where i will be spending Sunday night, the night directly before surgery. There are months upon months of recovery after the OHS, outpatient appointments to attend weekly, a fuck tonne of pain, more sleep issues, your emotions are also all over the place and you can suffer from memory loss and confusion and lack of itnerest in your normal daily life for a short time those last couple. Not something I am looking forward to considering how bad my emotions already are with this.
Now, let’s get onto my little ranting session, shall we?
(insert a short break here – emotions have just kicked in again)
Now onto my rant.
You fuckers that keep having a go at me because I don’t want you visiting me at the hospital or coming to my home as soon as I get home after my OHS this is aimed at you (you know who you are, and we all you know you follow my blog).
Leave me the fuck alone. I have enough stress and pressure right now, and it will be worse after my OHS. I need to fully focus on my health and recovery. It is going to be a long, painful road to recovery. Have some fucking respect and give me the space I have requested or fuck right off out of my life. I know you said you would not respect my wishes, and you will come visit me in the hospital. Well guess what cunts, you won’t be able too as I have decided I am going to lock you out. I am putting in place a visitor restriction as a result of you fuckers. The only people that will be able to visit me anywhere in the hospital is my sister, my mumma and my support workers – oh dear, what a shame, none of you are any of those. Problem solved.
I will also handle it by just fucking you off out of my life for good. If you can’t respect my wishes with something so simple, just so I can recover, stress free, remember you always stress me the fuck out when I am around you, then I am totally 100% done. This isn’t about YOU, this is about ME, and so I can keep living and have a better quality of life.
So let’s make this very simple … GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE AND STAY OUT.
If you even try to come to my home when I am back, I will do something about it, plain and simple. Now you can go use some other cunt because it won’t be me you are taking advantage of and abusing anymore cause i am fucking done with all of you (yes all 3 of you).
