A lot of people have been asking me lately if I am really coping as well as I say I am (apart from the pain – which we all know I am not handling) – So in response to this question instead of constantly dodging it, changing the subject and going through it so many time with people I have decided the best thing to do is just put it out there. So this is it … The answer to your question … To put it in simple terms (I also know some of you that have known me for such a long time already know the answer) no I am really not coping. Yes, I have by lying about how I have been feeling. Why you might ask? I don’t want to deal with the bullshit that will come from telling people I ain’t coping. I really just want to throw in the towel and go back to my old life.
What I am going to make very clear here and now is I am not throwing in the towel and returning to my old lifestyle. It has been thought about and that is it. And honestly, I know I lived that life for near on 3 decades and I am approaching being housed for near on 3 years I know I would not be able to handle returning to that life. Many factors come into this. How my health has got worse over the last 3 years, the new health issues found as a result of being housed (which if I was still homeless I would probably be dead by now cause they would not have been picked up), I used to be able to handle long periods sleeping in the cold and walking around in just a t-shirt and pair of shorts in the middle of winter (that is something that I can’t do anymore, the cold actually affects me now), and I suppose this is the major thing stopping me from returning to that lifestyle, I choose not to go back – I don’t want to live that way anymore. I have come too far over the last few years to lose it all now. But yes, I still struggle, not every day, but a lot. And there is not really anyone I can talk to about it as people have lived my old life, they don’t understand. I do have a close friend in the United States who I talk to about this that and everything. He’s good at giving advice and the honest truth, even if it isn’t what you want to hear.
I do have a few good friends located around the world. But this is hard for me because I literally only have a couple here in Australia and really only 1 close by. It’s not like I can jump on a plane and go and visit friends in the US or Canada or anything. I also wouldn’t be able to handle the long flights anyway, even if we weren’t in a pandemic.
There will be more posts on various things coming over the coming days. So stay tuned.
