I am not going to go into full details here, nor will I at a later stage (more than likely not anyway). People that have known and been following me for years will get what is happening without me actually saying it.
Last week I saw my new Neurologist. The news wasn’t good. And with several other stressful events happening with me right now I was just ready to throw in the towel and give notice as to where I am living and return to my old lifestyle. But I reached out for help to a friend. This friend, Jonathan, from the United States, also runs a website and group called Reach Out Online (find them at https://www.reachoutonline.org or on Discord at https://discord.reachoutonline.org for online non-judgemental confidential help when you need it).
Anyway, during this conversation with Jonathan, who has been a friend for so many years that I have now lost count and is also as I have said before more like a brother than a friend to me. I was hit hard with some home truths about what is going on and what I can or cannot do to change things and what will happen if I do nothing. Jonathan is not the type of person to mess around if he has something to say or if someone asks him for advice. Which is what I like about him, even though it does piss me off sometimes that 99% of the time he is actually always right, as proven in another situation with someone else in the last couple of days also.
Anyway, let’s get back on track. As a result of our chat, I had a bit of a race around late last week to get things arranged and organized. Which was done within a couple of hours and shocked certain people in my life. But what you need to know here is Jonathan did NOT tell me to do this, it was MY decision to make. He just laid the facts onto the table (so to speak).
As of this Monday (as it is 4am Sunday morning right now) we are talking tomorrow, a full-on, heavy dose of treatment begins. It is going to be hard, as I know what to expect as I have been through it before. I don’t know my schedule as yet and won’t til my first session tomorrow. I just told them they need to do what they need to do and I will follow along with whatever they decide. What I do know is this … I will be on more medication, I will become sick as a dog again, and this will probably last for some time. Things are going to become very hard to the point where I am going to want to just throw in the towel and give up. However, this time I can’t. The only other option apart from the path I have decided to be blunt is death. And probably not too far into the future either.
So my friends now have a choice. Get on board with what is happening or get off the train before tomorrow as I won’t be putting up with crap, I will just block and delete you. And no, this is in way shape or form up for any form of discussion as it is all arranged. Am I scared, anxious and nervous? You bet your ass I am. But I do have good support, both in-person and online, so I will get through this. I have been through a lot in my life, this is just another damn hurdle to overcome.
This also will mean, that for a short time at least my online time will become on and off and limited at times. If I don’t message back right away like I usually do, just know I will reply when I can. I could be in bed resting or I could be in the bathroom throwing up.
So for now at least that is all I am going to say on this topic. If you have questions, please don’t bother asking them as I won’t reply to them, I will ignore them.
I know some people will be thinking about what about Hydra? Well, nothing changes apart from my hours more than likely. The business will continue to run. There has not even been the slightest thought of closing it down, nor will there be. This is where I will now leave things and just hope for the best …
