Where Do I Turn Now?

For anyone that has been following my journey you will know that I believe I have a problem with pain killers, specifically Endone and OxyContin, after being on them every single day for the past 11 months. Ever since being admitted to hospital all the way back then. You will also know that I took the tough step to see my Doctor today to get the help I need to get off them.

So with my anxiety through the roof, I spoke out and asked my Doctor for help today. And I tell you that was so fucking hard. And as today was her last day before she goes on holidays for 3 weeks she informed me that we would deal with it when she returned from her holidays and she wrote a script for another months supply of these pain killers that are fucking with me so bad.

So being a bit dumb founded would sound a bit right, but it’s not like I can do much at the moment. I really just don’t know what the fuck to do or where to turn now with this. Do I really want to wait another 3 weeks and continue getting worse? Hell no I don’t. But what choice do I have.

I have tried to just not take these pills myself and I have started getting stomach cramps, the sweats, headaches, a bit of vomiting and feeling totally like shit within a few hours. Like last night I didn’t take any before heading to bed and I couldn’t get to sleep. I started sweating so bad my pillow was soaked with sweat and the pain in the stomach was so bad I wanted to just scream. I took some pills and about 45 minutes later I was feeling a bit better and then could get to sleep. You think I have a problem? Yeah, bloody so do I …

Where the fuck do I turn now? What the fucking hell do I do now? Do I just give up and wait 3 weeks til she gets back … But even then after today what the hell is she going to do? Is she just going to write another script and put it off again. I can’t keep doing this … I want to get off these fucking horrible addictive fucking things.